


Love Heals

by t_a_s_s_a



Series: Love Heals [1]
Category: Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Angst, Depression, Fluff, M/M, Pining, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-26
Updated: 2016-03-30
Packaged: 2018-05-29 07:58:50
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,783
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6365752
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/t_a_s_s_a/pseuds/t_a_s_s_a
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Description: This story takes place after the events of The Force Awakens, where Poe is deeply infatuated with his new friend Finn.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Ok so this story has depression, PTSD, and mentions of homophobia, so please be safe while reading. If there is any triggering content that I didn't mention please let me know. I hope you enjoy!

When you feel like you can't go on

Hold onto love it will keep you strong.

-Love Heals, Rent

Two months. That's how long Finn had been unconscious since his fatal encounter with Kylo Ren. Poe had visited him every day, sometimes all day. Sitting at his side, he stared at his face, memorizing his (handsome, no beautiful)) features. He used this time every day to go over the few memories he had with him. He remembered the shock of being rescued, his mind on so much adrenaline, that he didn't get a good look at his knight in shining armour. He remembered how his heart was racing as they rode off in that TIE fighter. Poe smiled as he remembered the wonderful team they made. Finn was one hell of a shot. The smile disappeared as he remembered the black nothingness he woke up to after they crashed, and how worried he was that Finn didn't make it out alive. He remembered the joy of being reunited with BB-8, and the warm tingly feeling in his stomach when he saw his rescuer. He remembered the butterflies in his stomach when he realized that he wanted to get to know him more. He remembered the cold dread he felt when he realized how bad he had been hurt. The blinding anger he felt when he was told that Kylo Ren was the one who had done it.

He shook his head. He had only known him two weeks, had two conversations with him, and he was... he was in love with him. He couldn't bear to entertain the thought that he might lose him. He thought about his first crush. Poe was 10 at the time, and he remembered staring at this handsome boy who sat adjacent to him during lessons, wondering what was happening to him. He remembered how when he had asked his best friend that very question a dark look came over his features as he told him that it was a crush. He said that he wasn't supposed to feel these things for boys. That his feelings were wrong and disgusting. He never talked to Poe again. So with each crush he fell into a painful abyss of self-hatred, and he pushed it down, desperately trying not to think about it. He had always got the attention of every girl at his school, but it was never the attention he wanted. 

Now, years later he had come to terms with his identity. That he was very, very gay, but he was still scared of rejection. He was scared of seeing his friend's face darken when he told them his secret. He sighed. He wondered what was going through Finn's head, if anything. He wondered what Finn felt for him when he was conscious. He chided himself. Finn was a in a coma and he was wondering what he thought of him. He missed him so much. It was painful really. He couldn't believe how drastically his life had changed. One minute he was at the top of his game, the best pilot in the Resistance, helping to bring down The First Order. Now General Organa had put him on personal leave. He didn't really blame her. After his experience with Kylo Ren and now this, it was getting harder and harder to get out of bed in the morning. Some nights he didn't even bother going to bed. He would just be plagued with nightmares of that damned black mask, and that blinding pain that still sends shivers down his back. He wondered what that Rey girl was doing. He wondered if she thought about Finn as much as he did. He wished that she could've stayed longer, but she had to go find Luke Skywalker. 

He started from his reverie as a male nurse walked in the room."We need to change Finn's sheets", he shifted almost uncomfortably, avoiding Poe's eyes. Poe nodded his head and stood up, flashing him a smile, although it probably came out as a grimance. "Right. Sorry". He inwardly cursed himself. This wasn't like him at all. He just wanted to relax again. To be his old fun self. He wished he could stop worrying and get a nice nightmare-free nap. 'Well some wishes don't come true' he thought bitterly. He walked out of the room. He stood there for a few moments wondering what to do. He suddenly became aware of a dull, painful aching in his stomach. He should get some food before he is admitted in the infimary as well. He walked down the base's many hallways. He knew this base like the back of his hand. He never needed to pay attention to where he was going.

After getting his food he sat down next to the nearest familiar face, not really paying attention to who it was. When he sat down he realized just who that face belonged to. General Leia Organa. She turned to him, and her eyes widened. "Poe", she exclaimed. "Ma'am", he replied, opening his chocolate milk.

"I thought you were resting! You look like you've been single handedly battling ten  
rathnars"! 

"No ma'am", he chuckled "I've just had some trouble with the resting part of 

my leave".

"You don't say", Leia remarked. Her face grew serious "Have you been staying with Finn"? 

Poe knew he couldn't lie to her "Yes ma'am".

"Poe", she said, her voice taking on a gentle tone "I know you..." she struggled for the right word "feel for him, but you need to think of your own wellbeing too". He felt his eyes welling up with tears as he looked into the General's eyes, "I love him", he whispered, his voice strained.

She put her hand gently on his shoulder. "I know. I also know that, even though I have only known him for a few days he would want you to take care of yourself". Poe averted her eyes. "But he is all I can thinks about". The General sighed, then thought for a moment. Her face lit up, "How about I link your data pad, so that you'll know if there are any changes?" Poe smiled, blinking the tears out of his eyes "I would appreciate that ma'am". 

The General smiled at him. She reached in her pocket, and handed him two rectangular tablets. "Here. These get rid of the nightmares. Now go to your room, take these, and sleep!" He chuckled "yes ma'am".

As he walked away she grabbed him, "Oh I almost forgot. The code to his 

hospital information is 12, 18, 15."

"Thank you General", Poe said. He walked out of the cafeteria, his body heavy with an ever growing exhaustion, and made his way to his room. He thought about stopping by Finn to check on him but he decided against it once he stumbled into a wall. He collected himself and started down the hall. As he was walking he made eye contact with a fellow Captain, who was his acquaintance. She shot him a sympathetic look, and picked up the pace. Poe did the same, his insides aching with lonliness. He had never felt this isolated. He wanted someone to understand him instead of being sympathetic. Everyone was walking on eggshells around him, trying to make him feel better, but they were just isolating him. 

Once he was back to his room he dragged himself into his bathroom. His eyes widened as he saw his reflection. He had dark circles under his eyes, which clashed with his dark brown eye color. A layer of stubble had grown over his chin in an unattractive fashion. He looked bad. He sighed and looked for a cup. When he couldn't find one, he sighed again and dipped his head under the faucet. Then he popped in the two tablets and prayed for relief. He just wanted to escape from those nightmares. He stumbled into his room, giving the tablets some time to take control. Straight across from him was the front door. Then on the right wall was his bed. He had an X-wing blueprint on the wall above it. He was very proud of it. It was vintage, from the last rebel base. It had been a birthday gift from the General. On the other side he had a bookshelf filled with his favorite books from his childhood. Next to it was a chair, and a table he brought from his home planet, and next to that was BB-8's charging station. 

He walked over to the table next to his chair and put the 3 numbers into the data pad linking his, with Finn's information. He felt a sense of relief at the fact he could sleep without worrying about missing something important with Finn's health. He was about to collapse when he heard one loud knock on the front door.He walked across the room and swung the door open. There was no one there. Then he heard loud beeping coming from the floor. He looked down to find BB-8. The droid made a loud whooping sound, that took him a minute to translate. "Where did you hear that word"? More beeping. "Well you need to stay away from R2D2." BB-8 made a whirring noise. Poe hesitated. "Avoiding the question? What question"? A short seemingly agitated beep from BB-8. "yeah, yeah I'm fine. I just need a little sleep". The droid rolled over to the charging station, and gave a final set of noises. "Goodnight to you too, BB-8", he smiled sleepily. A wave of exhaustion fell over him and he hastily undressed down to his boxers. He collapsed into bed, falling asleep before he could cover up.

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 

 

He woke up with a start, and sat up confused. There was a loud beeping noise coming from somewhere in the room. He felt a violent jolt of realization, and he jumped up and ran to the data pad. Something was happening to Finn. He jumped up and ran out the door. He ran down the hallways and into the hospital. He burst into Finn's room. A nurse was helping him sit up. They both turned to look at him. The nurse's face turned a deep shade of red and Finn looked a little.... embarrassed. 

 

"What"? Poe questioned.

"Where are your clothes?", Finn asked trying to hold in his laughter. Oh shit. Poe grabbed a blanket and swiftly wrapped it around himself like a toga. He grinned, as Finn started to laugh. He liked that sound. But it quickly turned into a cough so Poe ran over to him and put his hand on his shoulder. His touch felt like electricity. It was soothing. After Finn's coughing subsided, he looked him in the eyes. "Thanks." He felt a rush of heat on the back of his neck. Shit not now, he thought, praying his blush would go away. "Anytime buddy", he smiled. Buddy!? Dammit Poe, he cursed himself. 

Concern flashed in Finn's eyes. "Are you ok Poe? You look pretty worn 

down."

"Oh yeah, yeah, I'm alright. Just had a hard time sleeping", Poe flashed him a smile. A few doctors walked into the room. "Well, I think I'm going to go put some clothes on", Poe said patting Finn lightly on the shoulder. "Ok" Finn smiled, with a hoarse chuckle. "Then I think we have some catching up to do". "Of course. See you later", Poe said. He walked out of the room with the biggest grin he had in a while.


	2. Chapter 1.5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this is the alternate ending I almost went with. It has some pretty depressing stuff, and a major character death, so please be safe while reading. I hope you enjoy it!

He woke up with a start, and sat up confused. There was a loud beeping noise coming from somewhere in the room. He felt a violent jolt of realization, and he jumped up and ran to the data pad. Something was happening to Finn. He jumped up and ran out the door. He ran down the hallways and burst into Finn's room. 

There were two doctors and a nurse tending to Finn who was still unconscious. "What's going on", Poe asked frantically. The doctors finally noticed him. "Captain you can't be in here," one of them said. The other nodded to a nurse who escorted him out of the room. "What's happening in there?", he asked, once they entered the waiting room. The nurse's face softened. "We aren't sure yet. All we know is his body.... Is starting to fail him". Poe's stomach dropped. "Oh", he murmured as the room started to spin around him. 

The nurse left him and he dropped down into a chair. His mind was blank. He felt tears well up in his eyes. This couldn't be happening. He quickly blinked his tears away, and looked for a distraction. Then the nurse came back with a blanket. He furrowed his eyebrows. The nurse handed him the blanket, "You probably don't want to leave to get clothes." He looked down. Shit. He wrapped the blanket around him "Thanks." 

"No problem", the nurse smiled and walked back into Finn's room. 

Now he was left with his own thoughts again. His stomach was churning with anxiety, and he knew that there was no distracting him. He had been preparing himself for the worse, but now he didn't think he could be more unprepared. Loneliness started to creep up his body as he longed to talk to someone. He thought about when Finn was awake. How he had risen up from a controlling upbringing to do what he thought was right. He admired him for that. He couldn't die now. He had just gotten his life back.

He was quite literally shaken from his thoughts, and looked over to see Jessika Pava in the seat next to him. She was still wearing her bright orange uniform, suggesting that she had just gotten back from the team's latest mission. 

"Christ, Dameron, you look like you haven't slept since we left", she noted looking him up and down. 

"Thanks Jess", he said a smile tugging at the corners of his mouth. 

"Well it true!", she exclaimed. She grew serious. "How is he?"

"Not too good", he choked out. Silence took over for a few moments. 

Jessika's voice took on a comforting tone. "The mission went well. We now have full control of the whole system. Do you wanna come celebrate?" 

"I can't I'm sorry. I have to stay with him". 

"It's fine!", Jessika reassured him. "Just... get yourself some rest too".

"Yes, ma'am", he saluted. Jessika chuckled and left the infirmary. Poe sighed, and laid down, taking up three chairs. He struggled to keep his eyes open, but sleep soon took over. 

All of a sudden he was in a room. His room. Finn was there too. Finn was smiling at him, and he felt heat rise to his cheeks. 

"What has gotten you so happy?", he questioned. 

Finn chuckled. "I'm just so happy I'm here. With you". Poe blushed harder, as Finn leaned in and kissed him. If felt like nothing bad could ever happen. 

Then Poe became aware of a loud beeping. He pulled away, confused. Then he woke up. He stared at the ceiling feeling worse than before. It felt like someone was pulling at his heart, seeing how much he could take. 

He sat up to see what was going on. Doctors were rushing around, in a panic. Not wanting to bother them he looked around for a passive nurse. Not having any luck, he decided to just look in Finn's room. 

Dread made his legs feel like weights as he walked towards the door. He looked in to see the worst. A flatline was on his monitor. Spots appeared in his vision and he slumped into a wall. He vaguely heard a doctor's voice. "We're calling it". He walked into the room. They looked at him. He could fell the sympathy radiating off of them. They all left the room.

He took a seat beside Finn. He let out a sob, as he grabbed his hand. His felt his hand getting cold. He looked at his face, which had a peaceful look on it. He felt his chest start to shake with sobs. Tears streamed down his face. "I love you", he whispered. He stood up and leaning over him he kissed his cheek. 

He wiped his face on his blanket and casting one last look at Finn he left. As soon as he left, doctors walked in. Poe found a nearby supply closet and sat down. This couldn't be happening. His limbs felt numb, and his head started to develop a migraine. He couldn't believe that he would never see Finn again. He would never be able to tell him- really tell him, how much he loved him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well that was depressing! And as a reminder, this isn't in my story! This was an alternate ending I thought of but I decided to make it happy. I still really wanted to post it. I have to admit I was nervous about putting Jessika in because I don't know much about her. But from what I researched, no one does. So if there is something I need to look at, to better understand her character traits, and such, it would be extremely helpful if you could point that out to me. I Hope you enjoyed it!

**Author's Note:**

> Ok so that was the first chapter! I plan to make this a series, and I have an alternate ending that I'm writing. This is my first fanfic ever so please be gentle, but constructive criticism would be greatly appreciated. I hope you enjoyed it! -Tessa


End file.
